


How've You Come This Far (With A Broken Heart)?

by Leio_Rossi



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Derek, Angst, Author's Favorite, BAMF Stiles, Caring, Dementors kind of, Derek Feels, Derek Has Feelings, Derek Has Issues, Derek is a Good Alpha, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Really Sad Fic, Grief, Hale Fire Mentioned, Hurt/Comfort, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Made Myself Cry, M/M, Panic Attack, Pining Derek, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Stiles, Tearjerker, Touch Starved Derek, Vulnerable Derek, at least for me, emotional derek, fight me, touch starvation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-09 07:40:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7792711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leio_Rossi/pseuds/Leio_Rossi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt:<br/>"Uhhhh... I don't know what I'm doing so. Maybe stiles gets hurt and Derek has to take care of him? And maybe Derek ends up telling stiles how he feels and they get together? After a little meddling from the pack".</p><p>It's the anniversary of the Hale Fire. During a fight with a fear inducing demon, Derek gets forced to face some of his worst nightmares, and Stiles is the only one who can calm the fear in Derek.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How've You Come This Far (With A Broken Heart)?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Little_red_2000](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_red_2000/gifts).



> To Little_red_2000: Wow, you did not ask for this. I am so sorry. I took the maybe a little too seriously, and I don't think you'll mind? but if you do, please just tell me, and I'll write you a Hurt!Stiles like you asked. *slaps my own wrist*
> 
> For everyone else reading, I know I haven't updated A Place to Hide Away! I'm sorry! That will now be updated regularly because guess who has internet now?! MEH! You guys can also send me prompts btw.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy!
> 
> This was written for the Sterek Challenge thing

Another sob was dragged out from his throat as he pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. It was that day again. Every year it came and Derek thought it would get easier but he drowned in the guilt every time.

The thought that his family would be here if it weren’t for his stupidity tore him apart. The only person who had survived had ended up with severe brain damage. God, the memory of Peter before the fire brought on another wave of tears.

He turned on his side and curled his knees to his chest, sobbing.  _ He _ had done that to Peter. The same Peter that would spend his evenings with his baby curled on his chest as his wife came home from a hard day at work. Peter who was always there to listen to his high school escapades.  _ Derek _ had been the one to take that away from the world.

No wonder his uncle hated him. Derek had tried to replace his old pack,  _ his family _ , with a group of hormone ridden teenagers who only cared about romance. He had tried to replace his mother, father, brothers, and sisters with strangers.

The bed sheets were wrapped uncomfortably around him and Derek drew in a ragged breath as the tears receded for a second. He covered his eyes and breathed unsteadily for a few seconds. However, a new wave of grief took him and he dry sobbed into his hands.

He was shocked out of the crying when he felt something buzz underneath him and Derek shakily searched for his phone underneath the mess of covers. A sudden and deep anger filled him. Why were they bothering him? He had told them that he didn’t want to be bothered today. Pressing the answer button, the Alpha took a calming breath only to jerk the phone away as he heard screaming.

“-EREK! It’s Scott! We can’t take much more of this! We’re at the warehouse and fuck, Boyd, hold on! No, Stiles, RU-” The call suddenly cut off. Derek shot up out of the bed and hurriedly tugged his shoes on. His pack was in danger. What the fuck were they doing? He pushed down the grief that insistently pushed for his attention.

This couldn’t be happening again. Not again. His pack was in danger.  _ Danger. Danger _ . He was out of the house in seconds and running to the warehouse downtown. Why did it have to be the farthest place in the whole goddamn city? He could already smell the spilled blood of his pack and his wolf howled in protest.

The scene unfolded before the Alpha as he turned the corner of the street. The pack seemed to be fighting…. Tim Burton versions of themselves?

His eyes quickly found Scott who was struggling with his doppelganger near the entrance of an open warehouse door. Boyd 2.0 had Boyd pinned the the ground and seemed to be sucking something out of Boyd. There was a wispy line of white mist travelling between Boyd’s mouth and the thing’s mouth. Derek let his instincts take over and he roared loudly before charging at the thing and knocking it off of his beta.

Boyd drew a shuddered breath with wide eyes filled with tears, and Derek brought him to his feet giving him a brief pat on the back before going to help Lydia who was struggling to get out of her doppelganger’s grasp.

“Go help Isaac!” Derek ordered Boyd who nodded shakily, wiping his tears from his face.

He swung his hand at the second Lydia, claws open and the creature let out a shriek as a strange black mist came out of the lines that claw had made on its neck and back before evaporating. Lydia thanked him.

“What’s going on?” Derek asked roughly around the fangs that had fallen. Lydia looked a little ashamed.

“We wanted to help you because of what today is, and Scott forced Stiles to perform a spell that was supposed to bring a creature that thrived off of grief but Scott’s translation was wrong and it feeds on happy memories. The leader has Stiles inside.” Lydia rushed out as they ran to the warehouse.

“I told them it was a stupid fucking idea, but you’re the one who decided to bite teenagers.” Peter appeared out of nowhere and Derek winced at the jab. He growled at the beta.

“Lydia, go help the others out. Peter, go help out Scott.” Derek jerked his head towards the group still fighting. She nodded and ran back as Derek slipped into the open door of the warehouse and tuned in his hearing to whatever sound. There was a consistent scratching sound coming from his left. It seems Stiles has paid attention to the training sessions.

He swiftly moved through the hallways, following the sound when suddenly it cut off. Derek panicked for a second before he heard a horrible scream coming from Stiles. Without a second thought, he shifted and sprinted towards the sound.

Rounding the corner, his eyes widened as he took in the scene before him.

Stiles was on his knees, crumpled to the floor, his face facing the right of him with blood running down his eyebrow. There was a woman standing before him who grabbed Stiles’ face and dragged him up to his feet with unnatural strength.

“Let me in, boy.” She hissed. Stiles laughed.

“Fuck no. My head’s already been one monster’s playground and that’s never happening again.” Stiles smirked before drawing his head back and headbutting the lady. Derek smiled proudly for a second before charging forward, taking advantage of the momentary weakness and tackling the woman to the floor.

The woman flipped them around mid air and ended up pinning Derek to the floor, her eyes turning completely white.

“Heel, puppy. I need to break this delicious meal, and I can’t have you ruining that for me.” She said before waving her hand above his face and disappearing from his view.

“What are you doing to him?” Stiles struggled against the rope bondage as he saw Derek convulse and scream. The woman ignored his question and walked to Stiles, grabbing him by the front of his shirt and slamming him into the wall. Stiles choked as all the air left his chest in one sudden whoosh.

There was a sudden ripping sound His golden eyes widened as Derek unleashed his claws and began clawing at himself, tearing his shirt and jacket as his eyes were overtaken by tears. Stiles stared in horror at the sight of the usually emotionless werewolf howling in grief.

The woman seemed to be surprised by this also.

“It seems you’re not the only one with interesting nightmares.” She smiled as she took another step towards Derek, and Stiles opened his mouth to try and distract her from Derek but she snapped her fingers to make him stop talking.

“Let’s see what is happening in your head.” Her eyes flashed gold as her fingers touched Derek's forehead.

_ Their surroundings shifted suddenly and Stiles froze as he heard a familiar scream: his. In front of him, the Alpha was holding another pale Stiles who was bleeding profusely, leaning him against a wall. Derek's mouth was covered in blood and there was a bite on Stiles neck. For a second, Stiles thought that the demon had managed to finally crack him but then he saw Derek tilt his head back and let out a howl as his hands held up Stiles’ head that couldn't support itself. _

_ "No-no-no-NO!" Derek screamed as Stiles convulsed in his arms while his mouth frothed with a black liquid. "Stiles, please, no." His fingers dug into Stiles’ cheek as he tilted the humans’ head so that their eyes would stay connected, but the other Stiles’ eyes kept closing. _

_ Stiles froze. They were in Derek’s head. Fuck. _

_ The Alpha in front of them yelled angrily as he bit Stiles again and again. All that came out of it was more blood and black liquid. When the werewolf saw that it wasn’t working, he crumbled to his knees with Stiles going down with him. Derek gently leaned Stiles against the wall so that he was sitting and the Alpha kneeling over him, crying onto his face. _

_ “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Stiles.” Derek grabbed the back of his head and pulled him close to him in a tight hug. The other Stiles’ hand weakly reached up and settled on Derek’s back, making the werewolf sob harder. _

_ The real Stiles stared in horror at the scene and the woman just seemed happily amused. The second that fake Stiles’ hand began to fall, Derek covered his eyes with his hands yelling, but even with the cover, a bright blue light shone from the cracks of his fingers. The light grew until they were blinded by it and Stiles covered his eyes. _

_ As the brightness dimmed, the temperature suddenly rose and the sound of screaming pierced the air. Stiles’ head snapped up, because those were familiar screams. The pack. _

_ The lady smiled at the sight of a burning house. Stiles immediately felt sick as he realized what was happening. Derek suddenly appeared from behind them, running desperately towards the Hale mansion that they had just renovated a few months ago. However, before he could get close to the mansion, he was suddenly repelled by a line of mountain ash that surrounded the house. Derek panted in horror as his eyes went from the line to the burning house. _

_ Stiles winced as he heard Lydia’s banshee scream fill the air, along with the sound of Isaac’s howling. He couldn’t help moving forward, a hand outstretched to the house where he could see Erica and Boyd banging desperately at the window, while the fire grew behind them. Boyd turned his head back to look at the flame with sweat running down his face and he pulled Erica in front of him as the flames grew closer. Then Boyd was yelling as his back was burned. _

_ “Derek! Help!” Erica yelled, her eyes meeting Derek’s and Stiles began crying as he saw the Alpha pounding against the invisible barrier. The woman grabbed Stiles, pulling him backward, whispering, “You could save him from this. Just give in, Stiles, and I’ll stop this.” Stiles angrily cried as he yanked his shoulder out of her hand, looking away from the scene. He couldn’t give in.  _ I’m sorry, Derek.

_ The woman snarled and grabbed his chin, forcing his head towards the window where the fire overpowered Erica and Boyd and he stared in horror as they burned in front of his eyes. He fell to his knees and threw up as he distantly heard the Alpha howl in despair only to be responded with three more tortured howls. Stiles sobbed harder as he recognized them. Scott. Isaac. Peter. _

_ Derek flinched at the sound of his uncle’s howl.  _ Again. Again. He had failed his uncle.

_ “You know what the best part is?” The woman chuckled as she yanked Stiles up to his feet by his hair. “This isn’t even his worst fear. We’re slowly climbing up up up to the top.” Stiles wondered desperately how this couldn’t be Derek’s worst fucking nightmare. What the hell could be worse than this? _

_ Everything around them changed and the mansion suddenly stood before them, unburned and unscathed. Derek looked up in shock, tears still clumped on his eyelashes. Stiles frowned in confusion as he struggled to stop crying. _

_ Derek took a hesitant step forward before sprinting towards the door, and Stiles followed closely behind him. They entered the house and heard the sound of the pack laughing from the living room. Stiles’ head whirled with confusion. How was this his worst nightmare? The Alpha walked into the living room and froze. The human walked around the werewolf and stared at the image before them in shock. _

_ All the couches, armchairs, and even the floor was filled with people, smiling and laughing, among them was the pack and the Hale family. Stiles was off in the corner, friendly bickering with Peter who had that smarmy look on his face. Talia and Papa Hale were talking to Scott who seemed nervous. All of the younger Hales were playing with each other on the carpet. Lydia and Jackson were talking and holding hands. Melissa and the Sheriff were talking to Isaac who sheepishly grinned. Laura and Allison were in their own corner, looking at Allison’s bow. The one that made Stiles flinch the most was the sight of Erica and Boyd on one of the couches with the girl talking and the other listening with a smile. _

_ Stiles couldn’t figure out what was missing until it came over him like a bucket of cold water. Derek wasn’t there. He looked up at the Alpha and swallowed at the silent tears streaking down his face. Did….. Stiles blanched as he suddenly realized why this was Derek’s worst nightmare. He was scared that it would have been better if he was never born. _

Stiles gasped, his eyes shooting open as they suddenly reappeared in the warehouse again. His breaths came in desperate wheezes and he could feel a panic attack just waiting to drawn out, but he couldn’t let himself. The sound of the woman chuckling over Derek’s spasming body made Stiles’ head swivel over to the two.

“That fear isn’t as uncommon as you might think.” The woman snorted as she mockingly pouted her lips, brushing a strand of hair out the werewolf’s forehead. “It’s humanity’s selfish wish. They want to feel wanted. They fear they are the reason so much bad has happened around them, and some like this pathetic piece of shit are right.” The woman smirked and stood up before suddenly kicking Derek in the face. A spray of blood came from Derek’s mouth.

While she had been talking, Stiles had managed to get out of the rope she had tied him with and his eyes nervously went over to the gun Argent had given him on the wall closest to Derek. The woman was still looming over the werewolf and she seemed to be drawing some kind of silver-white essence from Derek, and Stiles felt a white hot anger rise in him. Without thinking twice, he threw himself towards the gun.

His hand was already aiming towards her when she heard the shuffling noise and began sprinting towards him. By then it was too late, and he shot the gun. The bullet landed on the bridge of her nose and blood splattered everywhere as she fell to her knees with a furious shocked expression. Stiles’ heart pounded inside his chest and he let the gun fall out of his hand as he crawled over to Derek.

The werewolf was letting out a scream as his back was arched and his eyes were wide open, the Alpha red taking over his eyes. Then he suddenly became limp and fell back onto to the floor, much to Stiles’ horror. The young human grabbed Derek’s shoulder’s and shook them, but there wasn’t any reaction.

“Derek, come on, pal.” Stiles licked his lips as his hands hovered nervously over the werewolf who barely seemed to be breathing. “Derek, wake up, man. Your pack needs you. I promise I’ll stop talking during pack meetings. I’ll stop throwing myself into dangerous situations. Dude, just, come on, wake up.” Stiles’ felt tears trailing down his face and he angrily wiped them away with his hand.

Suddenly, a wet gasp escaped the Alpha’s mouth and his eyes snapped open before snapping to Stiles in a sudden fear. Stiles flinched back, worrying as he saw a blind panic in the red eyes. Panic not good. Panic means possible more cuts and bruises.

But before Stiles could move back, Derek was increasing the distance between them by shooting backwards into the corner away from the human, his knees quickly coming up to his chest as his back touched the wall. The werewolf’s breath was too fast, and his pained eyes were trained on Stiles’ face.

“Oh god, I’m sorry. I don’t even- don’t even remember-” Derek’s lip trembled as his eyes wandered over Stiles’ face and arms, and Stiles didn’t get why until he looked down to see all the blood and bruises that littered his skin. He felt a wave of new tears rise.

“Derek, this wasn’t you. I swear this wasn’t you; this was all her.” Stiles pointed to the dead body. “You saved me, man. You didn’t do anything.”

Red eyes looked at him in desperate disbelief.

“Listen to my heart, Derek. You didn’t do any of this.” Stiles took a cautious step towards the werewolf whose shoulders lost their tension. Derek choked back a sob and reached a hand out towards Stiles but flinched when the boy came within touching distance, drawing his hand back slowly. He glared at his hand as tears continued streaming down his face then looked up at Stiles who looked confused.

“Please...please let me touch you. I’m sorry.” Derek begged, his hands clenching into fists as he looked down at his lap. Blood welled up from where he hadn’t retracted his claws and Stiles looked at it in horror and slight nausea.

“Dude, dude, dude, stop that. You can totally touch me. You know me, touch extraordinaire. Cuddle buddy to all. Initiator of pack piles.” Stiles let out the stream of words as he pulled Derek into a hug, pushing Derek’s arms to wrap around him. It felt weird as fuck because Derek never participated in any of the pack cuddle sessions but after everything Stiles had seen in Derek’s head, nothing could stop him from giving Derek whatever comfort he needed.

The strong arms around him seemed to hesitate before squeezing him almost painfully before the Alpha drew back and looked at Stiles’ face, his finger wiped away the tears Stiles didn’t even know were falling.

“Stiles. Stiles.” Derek breathed out in a panicky voice, his eyes clouded over as they lingered on the bruises that bitch had left on him. Clawed hands were gently wandering over them, and Stiles winced. Then suddenly he remembered the rest of the pack.

“Buddy, we need to get up. We have to go see if the pack-” Stiles moved to get up, and this seemed to trigger something in the werewolf who whined and shook his head desperately, clutching Stiles to himself.

“No, you can’t leave me, Stiles. Please don’t leave.” Derek cried as he rubbed his cheek down his face and neck in desperation. Stiles stiffened but quickly wrapped his arm around the werewolf, his heart aching as his mind flashed with all of the different nightmares.

“I’m not going anywhere, buddy. I’m staying right here, and unlike all the other times, I’m actually staying here. Just you, me, and the bleeding corpse of that monster.” Stiles babbled as the werewolf sobbed into the juncture of Stiles’ neck and shoulder.

“Can’t leave. You’ll get hurt. Hurt. Hurt. Again, and you’re only human, Stiles. And I can’t save you. You’re human,” Derek screamed angrily into Stiles shoulder before falling into it. “I can’t lose you too. I can’t go through that again. Not again. I wouldn’t make it. I love you.”

Stiles froze as he heard these softly said words. Whoa, whoa, whoa. There were red blaring alarms going through his head right now. There was a line that had just been crossed like thirty miles ago. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity doo da.

Before he was able to say something, he heard the sound of running footsteps coming towards them, and Stiles quickly grabbed the gun, pressing Derek to him. Why did Derek have to vulnerable right now?

He pointed it towards the opening as Derek whined into his throat, and Stiles nearly pressed the trigger before he realized it was the pack. Scott was leading the way with Erica and Isaac close behind him. Stiles’ arm trembled as he let go of the gun and wrapped his arm around Derek, letting out a shaky sigh in relief.

“Stiles?” Scott panted, frowning. “What happened?”

“She got to him, Scott, and it was bad. It was really really bad.” Stiles ran a hand down Derek’s head.

“Fuck, we messed up.” Erica whispered to herself.

“Yes, you messed up.” Stiles growled, glaring at the pack. “You messed up when you forced me to perform that stupid spell that even Peter wasn’t willing to endorse. I told you guys that it looked dangerous but you all had your heads to far up your asses to even think!” Stiles angrily yelled.

They all winced except for Peter who was looking at his nephew with an unrecognizable look. Stiles huffed and let Derek pet his different bruises and cuts.

“We’re sorry.” Isaac said softly.

“Damn right, you are.” Stiles sniffled as he felt Derek’s tears soaking his shirt.

The pack tried to get closer but Derek whined. Even Stiles could feel the hurt coming from the other pack members.

“Derek, come on. We’re pack.” Erica pleaded, taking another step, and Derek snapped at her.

“You are replacements.” Derek choked on the word and his eyes guiltily met Peter’s.

Peter looked at him with unfathomable eyes, before the older Hale turned his face up, blinking quickly. He took an unsteady breath before turning to the others and saying with a cold voice, “Go home. Get some rest. He’ll talk to you tomorrow. I think you’ve done enough for today.”

The rest of the pack flinched but Scott was the first to turn around and leave. Slowly, one by one, they left Stiles alone with Derek and Peter. Derek had resumed burying his face in Stiles’ shoulder but there were no sobs coming from his mouth.

Peter took smooth steps towards the two who were still on the floor. Stiles gave him a weary look and the werewolf rolled his eyes as he sat down next to them.

“What did he see? Did he say anything?” Peter asked as he reached over and smoothed Derek’s hair. That seemed to calm Derek significantly if the sudden weight on Stiles meant anything.

“The woman took us into his head. It was….it was bad.” Stiles said softly. “He had like three of those vision things. The first one was me dying from the bite.” Peter froze, looking at Stiles with questioning eyes. Stiles ignored the stare and continued. “The second was of the fire but with the pack instead of his...your family. The third was everyone being alive except for him.”

Peter remained silent.

“We should take him home.” Stiles adds into the silence. “Being in this stupid warehouse isn’t helping anyone and it stinks. Also there’s showers at the house and blankets and beds and-”

Derek suddenly stood up at that second and he picked Stiles up bridal style, nuzzling his cheek. Derek covered Stiles’ mouth with his hand before the teenager could begin to protest. Then the Alpha turned to his uncle, his eyes avoiding the other’s and he tilted his head up. Peter leaned in and rubbed his cheek against the bare skin of Derek’s throat and pulled back.

“They’re not replacements. It wasn’t your fault.”

With that, Peter turned on his heel and left them.

Derek followed him after a few seconds and Stiles felt the adrenaline rush dying and a heavy fatigue set into his bones.

“Dude, it’ll be faster if we go in my Jeep because I sincerely doubt you came in your Camaro.” Stiles sighed. “I parked it by the tree without leaves, and I can walk, you know. Despite being human, I still have fully functional legs.” Derek let out a soft growl as he spotted the Jeep. “Or you can continue to carry me like the helpless dame I am. That works too.”

The werewolf set him down on his feet when he reached the entrance of the Jeep but he seemed so nervous and wrecked, waiting until Stiles had completely entered the car to run to the other side and practically throw himself in the passenger’s seat, buckling in with supernatural speed.

Stiles jumped, holding his hand to his heart.

“Okay, Speedy Gonzalez, let’s chill out for a second and take a breath. There’s nothing wrong-”

“Drive, Stiles.” Derek’s voice was so vulnerable. Stiles shut up and started the car, pulling out onto the street and speeding his way down to the Preserve, silently apologizing to his dad for breaking a few speeding laws.

The whole way through he would glance over to Derek who had his face turned to window while tears silently fell onto his hands. Stiles was lost on what to say. What did you tell someone who had to re-experience one of the worst events in his life on the anniversary of said event. Stiles shivered; he could never imagine going through something like that.

When they were finally at the mansion, Stiles got out first before Derek sped out and quickly grabbed onto Stiles arm as if to make sure that he wouldn’t run away, his eyes desperately looking at the human.

Stiles’ heart couldn’t take it anymore and he yanked Derek into a hug.

“I’m not going to leave you, Derek. Come on; let’s go inside and get you cleaned up.” Stiles murmured soothingly as he led Derek into the house. It was strange how well Stiles knew the house by now. All those pack meetings and just pack hangouts really came in handy now. He led Derek up to his bathroom, which Stiles should get some credit for because Derek seemed content to just give up and lie down on the stairs at various points on their way up. Once they got to the bathroom though, Derek wouldn’t get in the shower because he thought Stiles would leave as soon as he turned his back.

“I’m not going to leave, Derek.” Stiles rubbed the bridge of his nose exasperated. “Look I’ll sit on the toilet and you can see my shadow through the curtain, okay? This is the only way this will work unless you want me to get in the shower with you.” The werewolf tilted his head in consideration and Stiles spluttered for a second. “That was a joke, Derek! A joke! Get in the shower!”

Stiles let out a very manly and deep yelp when Derek began undressing before him.

“Dude, warn a guy before flashing your bits around.” Stiles’ hand flew to cover his eyes although not before ingraining the image of those abs in the back of his eyelids. This was sincerely unfair. He didn’t uncover them until he heard the rustle of the shower curtain and the sound of the water starting.

“Man, today’s been rough, huh?” Stiles sighed, as he felt the ache of all the bruises and cuts begin to set in. He hissed when he tried to lean back and felt it press against a bruise. Derek’s head popped out of the shower and frowned at him, and the human couldn’t help the laugh that came out at the sight of a wet, sopping werewolf.

“Finish taking your shower, you idiot. It’s just a few bruises.” Stiles snorted, pushing his face back into the shower. Derek’s frown only deepened and he grabbed Stiles’ hand and brought it to his face, closing his eyes.

A tingling sensation ran down Stiles’ arm and his eyes widened as the bruises and cuts began to fade away before his eyes and appear on Derek’s arms.

“Dude, no. What the fuck are you doing?! Stop! You’re hurting yourself!” Stiles exclaimed, tugging his arm out of Derek’s grasp. The werewolf gave him an exasperated look and showed Stiles his arm that has just been mottled with Stiles’ cuts and bruises. It was smooth and spotless; it had already healed. Stiles tilted his head as his hands wandered over the skin. “But I thought you could only take the pain like some kind of pain relief medicine. Scott didn’t tell me you guys could completely heal stuff.”

Derek shrugged and wrapped his hand around Stiles’, black lines immediately appearing up his arms. The human looked conflicted but Derek was already done discussing this and had returned to the shower with the one hand out.

“This is crazy, dude.” Stiles said, leaning his forehead on their joined hands as he began to feel drained and sleepy. The werewolf’s hand only seemed to tighten at that and the human hummed in pleasure.

After a while Stiles fell asleep and was suddenly woken up when a pair of hands shook his shoulders. Drowsy eyes met blank green ones and Stiles yawned, smiling up at Derek while one hand rubbed his eyes.

“You done with your shower?”

Derek nodded and tugged him up to his feet.

“Uh, where we heading, big guy?” Stiles was yanked out of the bathroom. “You know, I could use a shower too. I probably stink and all.” The other just shook his head and led him to the bedroom across the hallway which was conveniently Derek’s.

“Hey, maybe I should you know head home now that you’re all squeaky clean and stuff. My pop’s probably worried and you probably want to sleep-” Stiles vaguely gestured but Derek threw him onto the bed. The human squeaked and scrambled against the sheets, looking up at Derek in a mixture of fear and confusion.

The werewolf had his jaw locked and he was looking towards the ceiling with a shiny eyes, and Stiles immediately felt his heart melt. He crawled over to the edge of the bed and knelt so that he was eye level with the Alpha who was blinking intensely.

“Or, hey, you know, I can stay? We can cuddle and talk or just sleep? Whatever you want, man.” Stiles laid a hand tentatively on Derek’s arm and the werewolf tackled him on the bed, making the human let out a rush of air. “Preferably with the human breathing”.

Despite his protest, Stiles wrapped his arms around the Alpha, squeezing him closer. Their limbs were awkwardly placed at first, mostly due to Derek’s lack of cuddling expertise, but thanks to snuggle expert Stiles, elbows were kindly removed from ribs and legs were no longer creating bruises on the other’s legs. Stiles let his head be tilted to the side as Derek scent-marked him, dragging his stubbled cheek across the pale expanse of Stiles’ neck and collarbone. While he did this, Stiles let out a steady, low stream of words while his hands traveled up and down Derek’s back. The coolness of the room eventually faded between their body heat, and Stiles felt certain part of him begin to react to their close proximity. He begged whatever deity was up there for it to die down, and boy, did it die down when he began to feel Derek cry. He could feel the shudders wracking through Derek’s body as he held in the sobs that were begging to be let out. Stiles’ chatter stuttered to a stop and he drew Derek into a tight hug.

“It’s okay.” Stiles murmured, clutching him tightly to him. “Let it out. I’m here for you, man.”

This seemed to finally break loose the tight control Derek had; gasping sobs tore through his lips and his body fell onto Stiles who accepted it. As he felt the stuttering rise and fall of each sob, Stiles felt tears begin to rise in his eyes. After seeing everything he had gone through, everything he feared, Stiles was surprised Derek was still even a semi functioning member of society. This train of thought was broken when Stiles realized Derek’s lips were moving against his shoulder, and he could hear words being sobbed into his shirt.

“It’s my fault. I killed my family. Everyone around me dies because of me.” The words were choked out. “First it was Paige then my family then Laura. I just kill everyone who cares, and-and now I’m trying to replace them with you guys. Trying to replace my pack- my family with teenagers. I don’t want the pack to die too. I don’t want you to die, Stiles. I love you. I can’t lose you.” Derek suddenly leaned up so that he was sitting above the human then shot down. Stiles let out a muffled noise of surprise as their lips were painfully connected with Derek’s hands cupping the sides of his face. The kiss was borderline violent and raw and Derek kissed as though Stiles were dying before his very eyes, like if he was bleeding out in his arms like in his nightmare.

Stiles turned his head to the side with a gasp and pushed Derek’s face away where it was trying to press more kisses on his face.

“Whoa ho ho, buddy. Where is this coming from?!”  Stiles voice rose an octave. “You’re talking to lil old Stiles, human resident of the pack, annoying chatterbox who you like to acquaint with the wall time after time, definitely not a love interest in this story.” 

“No, I love you, Stiles. Your stupid words, your stupid humanness, your stupid reckless way to run into danger, how you care about my pack, my betas, me.” Derek was crying as he said these words, whispering them between the kisses he pressed against the hands he trapped in his own. 

Stiles felt a horrible sense of hope rise in him but he pushed it down; Derek was in a bad place right now and was emotionally vulnerable. He couldn’t take advantage of that.

“Derek, please believe me when I say that I care for you too, but you’re really really really not in a good place right now. I wouldn’t feel good taking advantage like this because this crosses who knows how many consent lines.” Stiles spread one hand across the side of Derek’s face as the werewolf nuzzled it with a mournful look on his face. “Aw, don’t look at me like that, Derek. Come on and let’s just sleep. Tomorrow if you still feel that way, well, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” Stiles managed to pull Derek down to lie next to him although the Alpha seemed adamant in keeping their legs intertwined.

Stiles started to wrap his arms around him but before he could completely do it, Derek turned his back to Stiles and pressed himself against the human’s chest. 

“Derek Hale, the little spoon, who would’ve thought.” Stiles teased as he pulled him tight to him. The werewolf buried his head in Stiles’ arm and before he could help it, a rush of words fell from Stiles’ lips.

“It wasn’t your fault, Derek. It wasn’t your fault when Paige’s body rejected the bite. It wasn’t your fault that Kate Bitch Argent manipulated you and seduced you while you were weak. Despite everything that has happened to you, you still wanted to help Scott when you saw him making the mistakes you made. Even when you were still mourning your last pack, you took in Isaac who would have never known what it was like to have a loving family it wasn’t for you. You took in Erica who would never have had the confidence she always had in her come out. Boyd wouldn’t have this close knit pack that keeps him from being lonely. Everyone you’ve brought into the pack is not a replacement for your old one, because your old one is irreplaceable and beautiful. Derek, you are one of the strongest people I know. You endure horrors and refuse to give up, always working to try and protect other people.” Stiles was crying at this point, and sometime during his speech, Derek had turned in his arms to face him, their foreheads touching. A sudden thought filled his head as he remembered Derek’s third nightmare. 

“And I’m so glad you were born, Derek. I’m so glad you were here for the good and the bad, here to save me from the monsters that fuck us over, here to throw me against walls and tell me what an idiot I am sometimes, here to take care of me when I get hurt after I go to a fight even when you tell me not to, here to make sure all of us get blankets when the pack falls asleep during movie nights. Derek, you mean so much to us...to me.” Stiles couldn’t help the kiss he pressed hard against Derek’s forehead.

Derek’s frame shook as he wept and Stiles held him. They stayed like that, legs intertwined together and breaths shared. Derek shut his eyes tightly and his hands cupped Stiles face so that he couldn’t move backward, keeping their foreheads touching.

“Thank you." Derek whispered.

**Author's Note:**

> SO I know that it seems like Derek seems really emotional and talkative but like he was triggered, you know. It’s the day of the Hale Fire and then he had to see all that shit and like you can’t just expect someone to be their usual stoic self, you know? It’s like Spock in the 2009 movie where he fucking breaks after his planet’s destruction. Like duuude, that hurts, you know?
> 
> Also you can find me on tumblr at studylikespock
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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